You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
