I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
