wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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