wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
