wrigley field is MILF paradise
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
