He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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