Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
