Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
