I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
