i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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