i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
