planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
