After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
