sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize