I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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