So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
