I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
