got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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