Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to sanitize my soul.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
