sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
