Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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