Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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