You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
