You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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