they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Boobs speak an international language.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
