i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
