I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
