I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize