in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We got so high we made milksteak
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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