I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
