im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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