doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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