forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we're making bets on your personal life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
