I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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