I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
