just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
