so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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