i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
