I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
