I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize