he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
