Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
