i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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