Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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