here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
