Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
