You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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