i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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