My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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