4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I puked a lego.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
