what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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