my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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