I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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