Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
