I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
