i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
