I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
