so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize