i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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