Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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