dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
