I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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