Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
