Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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