Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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