I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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